How to Deal with Death and Bereavement

Maggie Caldwell

What can you expect to feel if a friend or loved one dies?  You might think simple sadness, but a lot will depend on the circumstances surrounding the death, whether it was expected or not, what sort of relationship you had with the deceased, and even your own personality.  

Sometimes, when someone dies it’s expected and may even have been anticipated for some time.  For instance, you might have an elderly grandparent, or great-grandparent whose health has been steadily deteriorating.  If such a person dies, after being ill for a long time, you might be very sad, but at the same time be relieved that your loved one is no longer in pain.  Do not expect, however, that your relief will in any way lessen your level of mourning for that person.  You will likely find that you miss his or her physical presence in your life at seemingly random moments for many months or years.  

On the other hand, if someone dies suddenly or unexpectedly, for instance in a car accident or a suicide, your grief will be mixed with shock and maybe even guilt.   “Maybe if I’d been at that party, he wouldn’t have had as much to drink”, or “I should have told her how great I thought she was”.  It is unlikely that you could have made such a difference, but it may take a while to accept that fact at a more than intellectual level.  If you have feelings of guilt that do not resolve, you should talk to someone who is trained to deal with such feelings such as a religious leader or your school counselor. 

-Maggie Caldwell